Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
