I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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