Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
