I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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