So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
