can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
