Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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