My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm too high and old for this...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
