now i know why i became what i already was.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
