You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
