dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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