that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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