I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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