I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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