Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
