Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
