I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
