what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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