I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
