He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize