There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm too high and old for this...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
