we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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