That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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