Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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