i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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