My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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