I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I didn't notice because vodka
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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