I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
