I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
