PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
