Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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