I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
