Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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