Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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