i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
50% drunk capacity currently
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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