I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im holly from the hills drunk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
