Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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