You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize