I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
