i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
