actually, I'm a sock model
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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