yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
