he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
