smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
