Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
