oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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