I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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