i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
