WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
