I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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