Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
