I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
