I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
