and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Be still, my beating vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
