I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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