You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
