we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found your dick twin last night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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