I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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