If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
