He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
