Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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