Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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