Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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