Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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