I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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