There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
