For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
