My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
